I try so hard to matter but still I stand to be nothing. The burden you make me believe I am. never have I felt so unwelcome I know your young and you don't know what your saying. These past few week ends have me going home wishing for the end wishing for my funeral to begin. Each time you speak i am breathlessly defeated, I just pray some day you can be understanding.
You make me feel as though I am nothing and if I was existing a burden on society. My love for you has me running with broken limbs that wish to no longer continue, but so long as your in my sights my heart continues to beat. Your love hurts to receive because I know I am unworthy. From day one I took it as a blessing for you to be in my life and to this day it remains the same. I keep praying for your indicating actions or your dictated words to stop bringing harm, but when I look into your eyes I see the pain your trying to convey.
Love to be a mystery a mixture of ecstasy and agony. I have tried but with all effort I fail with all my heart I can no longer go on when ever I fail there is no reassurance. I have had three strikes I am not a father or a husband because in your eyes I must be perfect but I am only a mortal man. Your asking of me to be god when I do not bare faith.
Unwelcome is what I feel a burden is what I am, alone must be.
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This one makes me weep, so long and deep. The very moment you posted this, my heart was breaking in a different corner of the universe. And for what? Because just like you, dear Casey, I am guilty. Guilty of caring too much. Guilty of thinking that I can make a difference. Guilty of trying to elevate the human experience to something more than tawdry, broken vows. I love you, Casey. and I miss the fuck out of you! Please don't go yet. We need to talk.
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